I have a very clear memory as a child of my mom leaving the house with a large duffel bag in sweats and a tank top. I have another of my mom doing Cardio Kickboxing after I did Tae Kwon Do. I have yet another of staring at my dad’s bodybuilding trophies with awe on my face. For my 13th birthday, I asked for workout equipment. I didn’t know what my parents were doing but they were happy, they were healthy and they looked great. My pops wrote me a program that I followed to a T… for about 2 weeks. From there my bench spent nearly a decade collecting dust. I graduated High school at 6’3” 140lbs. My future was clearly not in the gym.
At the time of writing this, I have been in the fitness industry for nearly 10 years, front desk, sales, trainer, manager, etc. My trophy-winning dad now asks me for fitness advice, my mother trains with me once a week and her husband has been talking with me regarding managing his back pain. If you told me this when I graduated High school I would have laughed in your face and so would everyone who knew me; but well, here we are.
I share these stories because they both show something incredibly Important. Influence. What is a 13-year-old me doing asking for fitness equipment? Trying to copy what someone important to me did, trying to achieve an impressive physique like my dad, following the patterns and habits of my mom heading to the gym to be healthy. I saw something I wanted, so clearly, all I needed to do was copy the path. What about my parents coming to me for advice? Influence. They saw what my clients achieved, they heard how I spoke about fitness, A hell of a lot different than that “go sweat, go run, go lift, no pain no gain” mentality they had followed for years. People are attracted to Influence, results, consistency, and confidence.
Believe it or not, my mom wasn’t a client from the start, it took 5 years actually. But when someone sees enough of something, they get curious and they start asking questions.
When I asked this question myself, it was out of sadness and love. My mom wasn’t as healthy as she had been. She wasn’t as active, and her back always hurt. I wanted my mom to be better just as I’m sure you want for the person you’re thinking of while reading this. So I would invite her to the gym, I would pay for her membership, I even went so far as to hire a different trainer for her but none of it lasted. She wasn’t inspired and at the end of the day, I had no influence with her; I was still just her baby boy. What really turned that around to the point she has been with me every week for nearly 2 years?
1. Influence: As I’ve said this may be one of the most important things you can have. Does that person you’re thinking of value your thoughts and opinions? Do they see you as someone worth listening to? If not, your recommendations to go to the gym are gonna be as effective as telling them to do well… anything really, so not very much.
2. Social Proof: Have you got a proven track record? With yourself, with others? Are you a gym zealot one week and a couch potato the next? If so, then your social proof says they will fail too. Does what you say actually hold the weight (no pun intended), or are you basically just more hot air that they’ve already heard.
3. Deep Goals: My mom wasn’t inspired to lose 5lbs and have better cardio. She was inspired to have less back pain because she loves gardening. She wanted more energy so she could play with her grandkids. She wanted health and vitality because she loves her husband and as she puts it “I plan on sticking around to at least 100, we’ve got a lot more living to do.”
Do you know your friends’ or family members’ deep goal? Do they even have one? If they do, connect it to something BIG, JUICY, and EMOTIONAL. Your friend doesn’t want to go to the gym to gain a few lbs of muscle just cause. Do they want a boyfriend or girlfriend? More self-esteem? Your dad doesn’t want to quit drinking with the boys to lose a few lbs just for the hell of it. But does he want to get off his medication and avoid living his final day in the hospital as his dad did? A goal isn’t real until it has an emotional tie.
So, how do we encourage someone to exercise? You give them love and you meet them where they are at but you also do your best to inspire them and you forecast a future for them that is BETTER than their current reality. This takes love and it takes patience, but whether you inspire someone to get to the gym today or in 5 years, you have still had a positive impact on them. Don’t give up, because remember, at one point someone inspired or brought you to the gym too.
